I've been struggling since I got my grade back from my cycling essay a week ago. The grade was good (most people would be perfectly content with a low A-) but I reacted negatively to my teacher's comments-- especially the part where he called me "Denise." Surely he could have scrolled up a page or two and seen my name. I wrote a very emotive, negative blog post about it using his full name, picture, and everything, but deleted it. Just after posting, I read about how putting negative stuff on the Internet is living "small." I want to live BIG. I want to invite the positive into my life. I don't want to seem vindictive or victimized. I'm sure the teacher must have felt rushed... or something. I didn't have to take the things he said so personally.
It's difficult when you put your everything into something and parts are misinterpreted. I'm nothing but a name on paper to him and he even got that wrong. I can take constructive criticism, but some of what he said just seemed mean. It makes it difficult to want to keep writing. Ah, the victim resurfaces.
I feel better today. I watched a TV interview with one of my favorite authors, Laini Taylor, and she gave me hope again. I've blogged about her before on my private blog. She described her writing process in the interview as being like swimming to buoys. She's a perfectionist like me, so each time she finishes writing part of something, it's hard for her to let go of a buoy and swim to the next one. But she does let go. She keeps swimming. She doesn't give up. In her twenties, she went to art school and learned how to finish things. I'm so glad people like her show up in the world.
And I still miss Grandpa.
7 comments:
I know I can't be the cheerleader your grandfather was, but hang in there!
Good example about living big. Please keep writing! I've heard encouraging stories from favorite authors who could have papered all the walls in whole rooms with rejections slips before they were read/published by the right publisher.
I hope you think we are the right readers, and gift us with more of your words!
I love that picture. I miss grandpa too. despite all the pictures I've seen of him, the ones stuck in my mind first are the most recent ones of him frail.
I miss my Dad too. I often remember the things he would say and find myself echoing them. (By the way, that Spruce in back of you in that great picture is about 12 feet high. Now it is way taller than our house!)
I find your writing evocative, stimulating, and illuminating. Please don't hide your candle under a basket. Continue to share your light with us, and others will come to appreciate you too.
Love, Dad
Thank you for the encouragement and support. I'll keep trying. Step one is to get through this class. I'm almost half way there.
I think you'll enjoy getting the pictures. There are some of you and your grandparents. Plus I like your writings.
I think someday you will be commenting on the writing of others. It is good to learn what things help and what things don't. I remember looking back at comments on my college writing years after the fact and finally realizing what the teacher meant.
I'm glad you have good memories of grandpa. I didn't know either of my grandfathers.
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