Recommended

Last night, my son was bored.  I suggested he go on a photo scavenger hunt.  I gave him my cheapo digital camera and told him what to find. He took the pictures and came back to show me.  It kept him busy, allowed me to finish what I was doing, and it got him ready for bed.  Here's the picture he took after I said, "A picture of you wearing your pajamas."  He was gone for a while.  He said it was really hard to take the picture because he kept cutting his head out of it.  

Can you see the double-winged black dragonfly in the picture to the left? It's sort of low center on the end of a twig. You might see it if you click on the picture. Not the best shot, but it was awesome to watch it fly. 

My husband and I have been walking a lot lately.  It gives us a chance to talk and exercise at the same time.  I highly recommend it.  Walking in Central New York on a sunny morning with a cool breeze blowing is the best.

Why

My kids think I'm weird.  The flowers are in a huge pickle jar.  I have six of these jars.  I envision filling them all with flowers and putting them on tables for a party or luncheon.  I like the idea of reusing things.  I like the patterns on the glass.  I like how flowers look in clear glass.  I like the size of these.  That's why I've saved the pickle jars. 

I watched a TED talk by Simon Sinek this morning.  He talks about what he calls "The Golden Circle."  It's actually a bulls-eye.  The smallest circle in the middle he labels "why."  Then there is the "how" circle around that smallest circle and the "what" circle around them both.  He says less-successful businesses focus on the end product.  Successful marketing begins with the inside, the purpose, and moves to the outside circle of the product.  People want to know why a product matters.  They want to know beliefs and motivations.  They can be moved by vision.  If they feel the same way, if they have the same beliefs, they'll likely be drawn to the product.  

I believe creators of all types might find success the same way.  If we focus on the end result without a vision and understanding of our motive or purpose then it is very possible to fail or quit.  Self-confidence, belief in oneself and what one is doing, that inner vision matters.  It is motivating and sustaining.  Why do I do the things I do?  What do I really care about and believe in enough to make happen?  What is my dream or passion and why?  I've been thinking about that all day.

The other week, my youngest daughter asked me, "Why do you buy flowers?  It seems like a waste of money.  They die anyway and they don't matter very much."  I told her they matter to me.  They bring me joy and my joy is worth at least $5 every once in a while.  I feel happier when I look at them.  They remind me that I live in a beautiful world.   I told her that's why I like to grow flowers too.  Ideally, I would grow all of them all the time instead of having to buy them.  I bring them inside because that's where I spend most of my time.  She didn't seem totally convinced, but I imagine someday she'll understand.

Wildflower May

Here are pictures I took while I was on my bike ride this morning: 

I've had a challenging May, but I'm thankful I learned a lot about myself and about life in general as a result.  

I've blogged about Brene Brown in the past.  Today, I noticed she posted a video here on her website of a recent talk she gave.  Here are some of the things I learned from it: 

*We know the "how to" aspects of happiness and success in life, but we don't always talk about "what gets in the way" of those things we know. 

*The "hustle for worthiness" is one of those things that gets in the way.  A lack of worthiness is when someone feels "never good enough" or thinks "who do you think you are?" 

*People who are able to bounce back from shameful moments are those who recognize their worthiness and have no prerequisites for that feeling of worthiness.  In other words, they don't say, "I'll be good enough when..."

*You can't "have joy without discomfort."  Though it makes sense, I'd never made that connection before.  She said we are vulnerable while we are experiencing joy.  We have to allow ourselves to feel that vulnerability or we won't feel the joy.  To me, that means risking failure, risking feeling hurt, and risking disconnection.  We might think we can protect ourselves from vulnerability by separating ourselves from other people.  That's not true. 

*Guilt and shame are different.  She says "guilt" means "I made a mistake" and "shame" means "I am a mistake."  She says it's important to parent with guilt rather than shame.  I agree. 

*We all experience shame.  She says that people with high shame resilience have more authenticity, more love and belonging in their lives, and they have a resilient spirit.  In order to have shame resilience she says we need to understand shame, know our triggers, talk about them, and be willing to tell our story and to like ourselves at the same time.

Yesterday, I was going through a box of my eleven-year-old daughter's school papers that she made during kindergarten through second grade.  I was extremely impressed by her wild creativity and the explosions of color on her papers.  I have noticed that in the past year or two she has become self-conscious when she creates.  She likes to ask if what she is making is good even before she is done.  It has affected how much she creates, how quickly and often she creates, and the brilliance of her work.  I want to help her get back to where she can create with wild abandon.  I want to help her not to worry about whether a creation is good enough even before she's done creating it.  I need to follow my own advice.

I am going to let go of self-consciousness.  I may feel uncomfortable, self-protective, and vulnerable.  That's okay.  If I'm going to feel those ways anyway, I'd rather be joyful.

Short Ride

I took a short bike ride this morning.  It was my first fun ride since I've been sick.  I'm looking forward to total healing and longer rides.  Today, I did a loop through the neighborhood near Ladd Road, rode up toward the road that leads to Oneida Shores, rode down and around by the lake, and then wound my way through neighborhoods toward home.  It only took about a half hour.  I kept it mild since I'm still coughing and I get tired quickly. 

I remembered this is a good place to live.  It's beautiful here.  I noticed the older neighborhood closer to the lake is having their annual garage sale this weekend.  Many people were out setting up their stuff.  I also remembered the annual Hobie Cat Regatta is this weekend.  These are a couple of pictures I took and here's an article about it from our local paper. 

Feeling Grateful

Today was the perfect day for a picnic rendezvous in the park.

Never Give Up

Today we came close to having one of those awful school-time moments a child remembers forever, like the time I made pretty homemade cupcakes for my daughter's 2nd grade class for her birthday.  Her teacher wouldn't let anyone have a cupcake because of the school policy (new and we didn't know about it) that said every food consumed by students had to be store-bought.  When I picked up my daughter from school, she had a tray full of uneaten cupcakes and she was in tears.  I walked her back to her classroom and the teacher apologized.  My daughter is nearly ready to graduate from high school and she still remembers how embarrassed, hurt, and sad she felt.

What happened today: 

Last week, my husband and oldest daughter spent a lot of time helping my son make a contraption for the class egg drop.  The goal was to make something that would keep the egg from breaking. The janitor planned to get on the roof and drop everyone's projects.  My son's project was big and fancy with a little suspension chamber for the egg in the middle.  The event was supposed to take place on Friday, but we had a lot of rain.  So they postponed it until this morning. 

When we arrived at his classroom, the teacher informed us something had happened to my son's project over the weekend.  We discovered broken sticks and that the chamber was no longer suspended.  It was tempting to give up.  I personally didn't know how to fix it, but I knew we couldn't give up.  The teacher spoke my feelings, "He'll be so disappointed."  She handed us some tape.  Trying to fix it seemed useless.  With scissors to remove things and tape to redo things, I left my husband fiddling with the thing while I walked with my son and his class outside.   I could see the concern, disappointment, and hope in my son's face. 

My husband was gone a long time.  I told my son that we might have to give up.  Just before the janitor started dropping the eggs, I went to find my husband.  He was pretty sure it was useless, that it wouldn't work.  Then we couldn't figure out how to get the thing up to the janitor on the roof.  We brought the project outside.  We watched everybody else's eggs drop.  My son was so sad when it was over.  He held his head down pressed up against me and hugged me for comfort while his classmates went to find out if their eggs broke.  I noticed the janitor came down from the roof and outside to see the results.  We asked my son if he still wanted to try dropping the egg.  He nodded and raised his head hopefully.  My husband explained the situation to the janitor and asked if he'd take what was left of my son's project up and drop it.  He agreed. 

The big smile on my son's face made it worth it.  The situation turned from devastating to joyful.  

An amazing side: his egg didn't even crack.

Perserverance

One of the things that I admire about my second-oldest daughter, is her confidence and perseverance.  She doesn't give up easily when she wants something.  She's willing to work hard.  She's willing to ask for help.  She's patient and she's willing to let things be imperfect for a while if necessary.  Last night was Senior Ball.  She'd wanted to go for months.  She didn't have money for all the things she needed and wanted:  the $60 ticket, a dress, jewelry, money to get her hair and make up done, and all the other little things that go along with a big event like that.  One by one, the problems were solved.  She saved her money.  She made things work.  She borrowed a dress, went with a friend to a place that does free make up, found the perfect handbag for an amazing $2, found great jewelry, the same friend helped her get her hair done and did her nails, and she got the ball ticket for free because she paid her senior dues on time.  It all came together and I think she had a good time.  I'm thankful for her example.

Protected

We heard a crash like an explosion in my little boy's room, then silence. My daughter and I rushed upstairs.

"Are you okay?" she said.

He was fine. He was protected.

His dresser was front-heavy; he was getting dressed and left too many drawers open. It was also top heavy; there was a large glass vase full of rocks and shells, treasure boxes, and a heavy lamp on top. When the whole thing toppled, the vase shattered and the lamp shade was crushed. There were large pieces of glass and rocks everywhere.  His room is small, but he was out of the way.

"For some reason, I really wanted to go to the edge of my room," he said.

It took me a second to realize he was thinking about his feelings before the dresser fell. He was prompted to move. Someone was watching over my little boy.

Flu and Flowers

Some things last longer than expected.

I bought these carnations the same day I came down with some kind of flu, nearly two weeks ago.  

I am thankful for beauty.  Life isn't all about enduring pain and experiencing trials.  It's also about finding joy in the midst of suffering.

New Day

It was beautiful, the sun, a pink-orange ball rising in a corner of sky.  I should have gone outside to take the picture, but it wouldn't capture what I saw.  I'm grateful for new days.

I feel a strange mixture of abandonment and yearning, like a little girl who has been left home with a babysitter while her parents leave for a long, fabulous adventure.  Yesterday, my parents flew to Puerto Rico to begin their twenty-three-month mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  They will be flying to the island St. Croix today.  My grown-up self is excited and happy for them beyond words. 

I've been sick for a week and I have had sick kids home from school.  I think my son is well enough to go to school, but he got in trouble last time he was there, so I think he's avoiding consequences.  The goal for today is to make home as boring as possible.