Wildflower May

Here are pictures I took while I was on my bike ride this morning: 

I've had a challenging May, but I'm thankful I learned a lot about myself and about life in general as a result.  

I've blogged about Brene Brown in the past.  Today, I noticed she posted a video here on her website of a recent talk she gave.  Here are some of the things I learned from it: 

*We know the "how to" aspects of happiness and success in life, but we don't always talk about "what gets in the way" of those things we know. 

*The "hustle for worthiness" is one of those things that gets in the way.  A lack of worthiness is when someone feels "never good enough" or thinks "who do you think you are?" 

*People who are able to bounce back from shameful moments are those who recognize their worthiness and have no prerequisites for that feeling of worthiness.  In other words, they don't say, "I'll be good enough when..."

*You can't "have joy without discomfort."  Though it makes sense, I'd never made that connection before.  She said we are vulnerable while we are experiencing joy.  We have to allow ourselves to feel that vulnerability or we won't feel the joy.  To me, that means risking failure, risking feeling hurt, and risking disconnection.  We might think we can protect ourselves from vulnerability by separating ourselves from other people.  That's not true. 

*Guilt and shame are different.  She says "guilt" means "I made a mistake" and "shame" means "I am a mistake."  She says it's important to parent with guilt rather than shame.  I agree. 

*We all experience shame.  She says that people with high shame resilience have more authenticity, more love and belonging in their lives, and they have a resilient spirit.  In order to have shame resilience she says we need to understand shame, know our triggers, talk about them, and be willing to tell our story and to like ourselves at the same time.

Yesterday, I was going through a box of my eleven-year-old daughter's school papers that she made during kindergarten through second grade.  I was extremely impressed by her wild creativity and the explosions of color on her papers.  I have noticed that in the past year or two she has become self-conscious when she creates.  She likes to ask if what she is making is good even before she is done.  It has affected how much she creates, how quickly and often she creates, and the brilliance of her work.  I want to help her get back to where she can create with wild abandon.  I want to help her not to worry about whether a creation is good enough even before she's done creating it.  I need to follow my own advice.

I am going to let go of self-consciousness.  I may feel uncomfortable, self-protective, and vulnerable.  That's okay.  If I'm going to feel those ways anyway, I'd rather be joyful.