Learning, Becoming, Being

My second-oldest daughter is a very good pianist and flutist.  She has accompanied choirs and has confidently played solos in front of auditoriums full of people.  My oldest daughter said the other day, "She doesn't remember how bad she used to be."  It's true, she wasn't born knowing how to play instruments.  In fact, as far as "natural" talent goes, my oldest (who does not play the piano publicly) was possibly born with more.  With continual practice and ongoing lessons, my second eventually surpassed her on the piano.  When we could no longer afford to pay for lessons, she used babysitting money and did odd jobs to pay for both piano and flute lessons.  I never had to remind her to practice. 

I asked her, "How did you do it?  How did you keep from giving up?" 

"I knew it would take a long time to learn," she said. 

And she was okay with that.  She was patient with herself.  She knew it would be an ongoing process. 

I asked, "Where or how did you learn that?" 

"Music classes, I guess."  She started playing flute in seventh grade.  Her teachers must have encouraged her and helped her be patient with herself.

I was surprised when she told me, "I know successful musicians who are never satisfied with their performances.  There's always room for improvement.  I'm still learning." 

I was surprised that she doesn't feel done.  She doesn't seem hard on herself.  I guess there is such a thing as healthy dissatisfaction.  She acknowledges that she still has things to learn.  Her focus wasn't on "I'm going to learn to play the flute and piano,"  because if it was, she achieved that years ago and could quit.  Her focus has been on learning and becoming a better piano player and flute player.  Now my daughter is teaching herself how to play the guitar.  Eventually, she wants to be a music therapist.  I am confident she'll achieve whatever she sets her mind to doing.

I've been thinking a lot about learning and becoming rather than focusing on getting or achieving.  There doesn't necessarily have to be an end result in sight.  Clearly there's a goal, desire, or purpose, but there doesn't have to be instant perfection or achievement. 

This way of thinking has applications that I need right now.  I want to remember the journey matters, not just the destination.  I want to experience all the joy I possibly can now instead of thinking, "I will be happy when..."  I have experienced reaching goals that I thought would make me happy, but even though I was pleased and proud of myself, once I reached them I wasn't instantly transformed into a happy person. 

I've thought to apply this to healthy living.  I have a few pounds to lose.  I have reached weight goals before and still felt unhappy with myself.  Instead, I can focus on being healthy now, on making healthy choices every day, and being happy with myself now rather than focusing on that ideal weight. In this way, I will naturally improve my health.  Diets tend to be external manifestations of external controls.  Once the external control goes away the pounds return.  Lasting healthy living requires internal control and manifests itself with both internal and external results.  If I am being healthy and making healthy choices I am practicing internal control.

The "I will be happy when..." mentality doesn't work.  If I'm going to be happy or healthy or learning something or becoming something, I need to do it today.